Originally posted on Instagram 20th February 2022

Had it not been for the letters sent from Addie Brown to Rebecca Primus (Primus’s replies, though they certainly existed, have not been found), we would not know about the relationship these two women had.

Correspondence between two free Black women in Civil War America is rare enough; that these women were believed to be lovers makes this a whole other matter entirely.

Whether or not Brown and Primus were in a same-sex relationship cannot be conclusively proven. But the sensual nature of their letters points towards yes.

Addie Brown (1841-1870)

Indeed, were it not for the letters, Addie Brown’s existence would have been erased from history. There are no official records (i.e. birth/death certificate) documenting her life.

She was from a working-class family, whom she was distanced from, and she came into Primus’s life through being a servant in her household. She had no formal education.

She often switched jobs, not finding one that was both satisfactory and well-paid. Eventually, the pressures of being a financially independent, unmarried Black woman became too much, and she married in 1868. She died just two years later at the age of 28.

Rebecca Primus (1836-1932)

By total contrast, the Primus family were middle-class, and well-respected in Hartford’s community. Rebecca was educated and worked as a teacher, and she was eventually chosen to set up schools for newly freed slaves.

Eventually, she moved to Maryland, leaving her family and Addie behind, but she kept up regular correspondence with both. Letters show that she wrote to her family at least once a week, and she received letters from Brown as often as twice a week.

Like Brown, Primus did eventually marry after she moved back to Connecticut. After her husband’s death, she lived with her mother, and then in a boarding house until her death in 1932, aged 95.

Lovers or ‘just’ friends?

As mentioned, it can be difficult to put a label on queer historical relationships, especially when, as in this case, we only have half the story.

Nevertheless, it is almost certain that there was at the very least something more than friendship between Brown and Primus. Brown frequently expresses a desire to call Primus her husband, and even Primus’s family members seemed in agreement that, if one of the two were male, they would marry. In them, Brown found the family she herself was lacking.

While both women eventually married men, it was only after years of rejecting the norm, resisting the nuclear family model.

The end

Primus moved away to Maryland in 1865, and the two would not see each other again. Brown always seemed to regret not spending more time with Primus.

Communication between the two ceased just before Brown’s death, making their ‘relationship’ less than twenty years; it is unknown exactly when they met.

Even so, the tone of the letters suggest that they were each other’s great love, which is supported by the fact that Primus kept Brown’s letters for the rest of her life, despite outliving Brown by 62 years.

This speaks volumes to the love they must have shared.

“You are the first girl that I ever love so and you are the last one. Dear Rebeca, do not say anything against me loving you so, for I mean just what I say. O’ Rebecca, it seem I can see you now, casting those loving eyes at me. If you was a man, what would things come to? They would after come to something very quick.”

Addie Brown in a letter to Rebecca Primus, 1859

Sources:

• Beeching, Barbara J, ‘Rebecca Primus and Addie Brown’, in African American Connecticut Explored, 2013, pp. 198–206
• https://beenhere.org/2017/12/21/addie-brown-and-rebecca-primus/
• https://connecticuthistory.org/the-lives-of-addie-brown-and-rebecca-primus-told-through-their-loving-letters/
• https://vugradhistory.wordpress.com/2019/02/14/the-love-letters-of-rebecca-primus-and-addie-brown-1854-1868/

See also:

• Blog post: Anne Lister & Ann Walker
• Blog post: Virginia Woolf & Vita Sackville-West
• Bitesize History: Summary
• Reading and Movie Recs